The Dog, The Baby and what’s left of me..

Hello!! Who am I?? Well from now on I guess I’ll be know as ‘Mum’ seeing as I am now mother to a beautiful baby girl, a horrendously naughty Beagle named Echo and girlfriend to one poor sod known as Jack. I’m starting this blog to document my journey through motherhood, as a way to remember every crappy detail (as well as the great ones) so that when my kid is older and giving me attitude, I can remind her of everything I went through being her mother.

On the 3rd December 2016 at 5.30 am, my life changed forever and I found out I was pregnant. After waking my better half and giving him the shock of his life I then spent the next 9 months being sick, grumpy, sore and hungry and then finally I had my baby, Violet Valerie. After spending 9 months waiting for her to arrive, She finally did at 2.33 pm on the 27th July 2017.

During the last 4 weeks I’ve been peed on, pooed on, vomited on, had to chase the dog around with one boob hanging out after he ran off with yet another sock while trying to breastfeed a screaming baby, (who doesn’t have teeth but seems to be able to ‘bite’ if I don’t hold still while she feeds) and pretty much learnt how to do everything one handed. I can’t remember the last time I showered or changed my underwear and I’ve had to deal with all this without being able to spring for a G&T. What can I say, it’s been interesting. No amount of warnings from fellow parents could have prepared me for motherhood.

After 4 weeks of googling literally everything surrounding the topic of raising a child I am finally starting to feel like I’m not a total failure. The old saying that ‘misery loves company’ could not be more true than when it’s 3am, you’ve cried more tears than Alice in Wonderland, you’ve been awake for 24 hours and you find yourself genuinely happy to read other people also want to give their baby back because they haven’t stopped crying for several hours.

People joke, ‘you’ll never sleep again’ but I found myself discussing genuinely with a friend the other day the prospect of ‘Death by sleep deprivation’. If another person points out how tired I look I may use the baby as a weapon to knock them out, (she’s pretty heavy now)…Either that or I may sic the dog on them, although all he’d probably do is try and hump them or pee on them like he does with all my furniture.

It’s safe to say Echo has decided he’s not going to make our lives any easier. Since the arrival of Violet he’s taken to peeing on things and chewing whatever is within reach whenever I ignore him in favour of trying to comfort a fussing child. I wonder what the neighbours must think when they hear me yell ‘Echo you little Tw*t’ for the 40th time that day.

Over the foreseeable future I am going to use this blog to post updates on my family life. Be prepared for baby stories, dog rantings and satisfying pictures of cakes, treats and beautiful things that will hopefully bring about a smile while providing me with some catharsis.

That’s all for now,

Violet, Echo and Me x

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